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You Can Overcome Loneliness; Here's How
Written by Jimmie Burroughs
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The last song that Elvis Presley sang publicly on stage, in June of 1977, was "Are you Lonesome tonight". Elvis was definitely nervous when he introduced his very last song, and he said this about loneliness, "I am and I was". He was one of the most requested folks in the world. Thousands would have given anything to spend some time with him, yet before thousands live and millions on TV he revealed, I've been lonesome and I'm lonely.
It is Estimated that 49% of the people live alone and that is a near all time record; is this the cause for so much loneliness in today's world? Not necessarily since loneliness isn't caused simply by being alone as proven in the case of Elvis Presley. Some extremely lonely folks are married with family, or are surrounded by people daily. Hence what is the deal with loneliness anyway? Well, that's the purpose of this work, to discover what loneliness is; what causes it, and how you can conquer it.
Everyone on occasions experiences loneliness. Ironically it is more frequent around major vacations like Christmas and Valentine's Day. The sensation of loneliness isn't a common topic of conversation; many do not see why it happens, or how to deal with it when it does occur.
So , what is loneliness? Several words describe it: An uncongenial feeling, quietude, emptiness, and sense of isolation, depression, and painfulness. Firstly, loneliness is a subjective feeling, actually an emotional drive. The technical definition of loneliness is: "A psychological mechanism meant to alert an individual to isolation and inspire him/her to find social connections." [1] That definition is the key to understanding loneliness as well as how to deal with it as we are going to see as we continue.
An old saying asserts, "No man is an island"; man was not intended to be alone, and it is apparent that he does better by associating with others. At the beginning, when God made the first man, Adam, he saw it was not good for man to be alone, so he made Eve as a helpmate. Having somebody is of great help in coping with loneliness, but infrequently more is needed. Learning to cope with loneliness is of great importance because loneliness has some significant effects if not addressed.
As you see below, loneliness has a good range of negative and damaging effects to both physical and mental health. Here are some of the possible risks to health which have been connected to it:
- Depression and suicide
- Increased levels of stress
- Coronary disease & stroke
- Antisocial
- Memory problems and learning
- Poor calls
- Abuse of drugs and liquor
- Reduced brain function
- More susceptible to Alzheimer's disease
Some of the features of a person dealing with loneliness are: fear, anger, poor listening abilities, shortage of knowledge, impatience, relying too much on others, self-interest, and overwhelmed. It can be noted that reasons for loneliness vary seriously. A kid is affected differently than an older person. The older person may be fighting with having lost their mate and might be having trouble just getting on with their life. The child could be a victim of bullying or has difficulty making chums at school.
It is interesting to note that the traits listed above concerning a person experiencing loneliness are also some of the same stuff that personal development addresses. Dealing with those things which cause loneliness is just one of the advantages of private development. Private development enables a person to address and adapt to all the issues of life including loneliness.
John Cacioppo, a College of Chicago psychologist and one of the top loneliness gurus, claims, "Loneliness is strongly connected to genetics [sometimes runs in a family]. Other contributing factors include situational variables, such as physical isolation, moving to a new location and divorce. The demise of someone important in someone's life can also lead to feelings of loneliness. Loneliness may also be an indication of a mental disorder like depression."It is really important to notice that the emotion of loneliness is a God given drive; like other drives it is supposed to help man when used In the correct way. Remember the meaning of loneliness given above: "A mental mechanism meant to alert an individual to isolation and motivate him/her to find social connections." Notice how we can use the same definition to define other drives. For example, the hunger drive: "A mental mechanism intended to alert an individual to a real requirement for nutrition and motivate him/her to seek food." I hope you are starting to get the image of how drives have an intended purpose. The means of dealing with the loneliness drive is best comprehended when loneliness itself is accepted.
There are lots of drives like the hunger drive, the sex drive, the anger drive and the fear drive, to name a couple; all of which have their own way of being fulfilled or coped with. As an example, the sex drive is given for a married couple to feel and experience intense pleasure and the nearest intimacy; when the sex drive is misused as in the case of fornication, infidelity, premarital sex or extra marital sex, it can be very harmful and damaging, both physically and emotionally, and even life-endangering. The same is true with loneliness.
It could be hard to understand that loneliness is intended to be something positive, but when used right it is. Loneliness is meant to warn and to inspire somebody that social interaction is required. Older automobiles had a red warning oil light on the dash and when it flashed on, you knew you needed to add oil to avoid damaging the engine. It's right also when we are warned by the loneliness drive that we are low on human interaction and need to add some to avoid damaging our body and mind. An easy way of saying it might be that when we are forsaken, that's a sign that change is required.
If your hunger drive begins sending you a message in the shape of hunger pains, how you handle it is by finding some food and eating (I do not believe I need to elaborate on the way the hunger drive can be misused). Eating doesn't mean the hunger drive is forever satisfied because in one or two hours you're going to get the same message again. Loneliness works similar, though, thank goodness, not as frequently. When you receive a message from the loneliness drive, you deal with it by making some changes in way of life. Like the hunger drive, it will not forever solve it, and later you will have to cope again. Learning ways to cope with loneliness is the secret.
Things worth doing to cope with loneliness:
Join a group or go where others are: Lately I started to feel a bit of loneliness; I live alone and spend a lot of hours working alone on my computer. I spotted that I was spending way too much time by myself, not seeing enough folk and speaking and socializing. Therefore , I joined a Biblical studies at church and commenced going more places where folks are and making it a point to chat with them.
Since I presently live by the sea, and there are often people on the pier, or on the beach, it is straightforward to meet and talk with folk. I have talked with some fascinating folks lately from across the world who are here vacationing.
Just yesterday I met Josh who had stopped off here for some time on his way eventually to NY City. He had come this far by kayak, paddling all of the way from Cincinnati, Ohio. He was headed next to Key West, Florida.
Volunteer for something that you believe in: My better half died about 7 years ago. It's a terribly hard time for me and I was very lonesome and completely alone in a big house. I had a business at the time, and I spotted that what I needed was a totally new way of life. I went about it slowly as should be after losing a mate; it took about two years to complete. By the end of those two years I had bought a motor home, turned my home over to my daughter and her folks to live in, and joined an organization that did volunteer mission work. In the next 3 years I traveled in 37 states, met a lot of new people, made a large amount of new buddies and helped lots of folk. It rescued me from my loneliness and commenced a wonderful new way of life.
Build new relations and fortify old ones: The support from good pals is sort of a medicine for loneliness. There are lots of places to make new friends: Church is an excellent place and online is another, but you need to be careful online because you never know what type of person you could be talking with. You might want to try Anxiety Management Forum online to begin with, where you'll find others who are also handling similar issues, but always be careful and don't give out any personal info, particularly your house address, telefone number, deposit account numbers or Social Security numbers and so on.
Get a pet; I say superior a dog: I have both a dog and a pussy. The kitty is an outside pet while my dog is and inside pet. It seems as if I'm being a little personal here and maybe I am since I've had to deal with some extreme loneliness myself. Basically my dog came in a roundabout way. My better half always wanted a West Highland Terrier. It was not till she got sick that we finally agreed to get one. Sadly, she only lived about 10 months and I inherited the small dog. His name is McDuffie and he has really been a life saver to me.
It has been declared that dogs are the single thing that loves another more than themselves. I don't necessarily agree that they are the only thing, but I know it's true of McDuff. He really loves me and wants to always be with me. He has way more than earned his keep by being a true companion.
Conclusion:
There is not any 100% treatment for loneliness. Since it is an emotion and not an illness, it just requires the right action. And often you may just have to learn to live with a little loneliness when it seems stubborn and will not depart. I do , but I still go about the more significant business in my life. The truth of the situation is I do not believe you ever get absolutely past losing someone that is such a part of your life as a loving mate. There'll always remain a lonesome place in your heart for them, but that hasn't got to take control of your life. There are too many exciting things yet to come. There is too much to be done, and too much to be accomplished to be impeded by loneliness. It also needs to be noted that professional help is sometimes needed to overcome some emotional problems.
[1] Wikipedia Definition for loneliness.
About the author: Jimmie Burroughs is a motivational speaker and writer who has been concerned in teaching Christian Personal Development for more than 30 years. He's a dedicated believer in Jesus Christ, and considers helping folks to become their absolute best thru individual expansion is his first focus in life. His site contains over 600 articles on preparing yourself for success thru private development and the things that accompany private development. His writing centres on the truth instead of fluff that just teases the ears.
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