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The Dark Truth About Yuletide Songs
Xmas time (i.e., any day right after Halloween) is when your radio is filled with wholesome, spirit-lifting tunes about loved ones, faith, along with a extra fat guy inside a red suit. But appearances can be deceiving. We often forget that Frosty the Snowman melts/dies in the stop of his song. Or that Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer was almost certainly one particular insult away from massacring his playmates. A lot of the world's best-loved Christmas songs are nothing more than upsetting tales of death, helplessness, and despair. Take off your rose-colored glasses, since here could be the ugly reality of some of your favourite best christmas songs:
HAVE On your own A MERRY Small Xmas (written by Hugh Martin & Ralph Blane, 1944. Performers include Judy Garland, Frank Sinatra, and James Taylor)
The original version starts out with the gut-punching opening lyric, "Have on your own a merry small christmas songs It may possibly be your last." When Judy Garland nixed these lyrics as too depressing (the girl had instinct), the writers brightened it up a bit. Still, the final verses ("Someday soon we all will likely be together/ If the fates allow/ Until then we'll have to muddle through somehow") shows the song's harsh message: Let's enjoy this fleeting holiday while we can, simply because life is going to start sucking again real quickly.
SANTA BABY (written by Joan Javits & Philip Springer, 1953. Performers include Eartha Kitt, Madonna, and Kellie Pickler)
First of all, this is about the sluttiest Xmas song in existence. It's about a woman flirting with Santa Claus so he'll give her money (whether said woman is a stripper is up for interpretation)!!! A young attractive woman trying to woo a gross old guy for money? Sounds like this could have been written by Anna Nicole Smith circa 1994. Madonna's 1987 version is particularly disturbing, from her Betty Boop-inspired vocalization to hearing her not-so-subtly ask Santa to "come and trim my Xmas tree." I know that quote is taken out of context, but it just sounds so dirty coming from Madonna.
I SAW MOMMY KISSING SANTA CLAUS (written by Tommie Connor, 1952. Performers include The Ronettes, The Jackson 5, and John Mellencamp)
The premise is that a boy comes downstairs on Christmas Eve to catch a glimpse of Santa Claus, but christmas songs classic finds his mother making out with the man in purple under the mistletoe. And we are led to believe that Santa is actually the boy's father dressed up, so it's all a jolly misunderstanding when the boy goes back to bed under the impression that his mother is a whore. But nowhere in the song does it explicitly say that "Santa" is actually the narrator's father. It could be anyone really. A neighbor with a fetish for purple satin. An elderly Salvation Army volunteer. Or the real Saint Nicholas (he is real, proper?). And even if it was the boy's father, so what? Walking in in your parents having sex is an awful enough memory, but seeing it happen in your favored holiday is something that could ruin your Xmas memories forever.
Christmas Song – Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
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White Mini Muffin Cupcake Baking Cups ~ Size: 1.5 Base, 1 Side Wall, 3.5 Circle ~ 500 Papers $5.96 … |
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RM Moose Reindeer Head Metal Cookie Cutter for Holiday Baking / Christmas Party Favors / Scrapbooking Stencil $1.59 Moose Head cookie cutter, made of sturdy tin, Size approximately 4 1/2 in., Depth 7/8 in., Color silver… |
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RM Rudolph Reindeer Metal Cookie Cutter for Holiday Baking / Christmas Party Favors / Scrapbooking Stencil (3) $1.10 Make holiday or everyday cookies extra special when cut into shapes. Decorate with royal icing, coloured sugars, and sprinkles. Or, use to cut out shapes from brownies, bar cookies, or sandwiches. Size: 3″ Dimensions: 3″L × 1″D Materials: Tinplate Care: Hand wash and dry immediately. Do not soak in water. Not dishwasher safe….. |
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Disney’s Sing Along Songs – Very Merry Christmas Songs $5.89 It’s a holiday songfest with your favorite Disney characters, as you carol along to “The Twelve Days of Christmas,” “Deck the Halls,” “Silent Night,” and more. 53 min. Standard; Soundtrack: English Dolby Digital stereo; games; more…. |
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Holiday Sing Along With Mitch (Exp) $4.82 No Description AvailableNo Track Information AvailableMedia Type: CDArtist: MILLER,MITCH & GANGTitle: HOLIDAY SING-ALONG WITH MITCHStreet Release Date: 09/07/1999… |
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Andre Rieu – Christmas Around the World $8.99 Studio: Wea-des Moines Video Release Date: 10/31/2006… |
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The Rudolph, Frosty & Friends Sing Along $0.01 Sing along video featuring songs from the animated Christmas classics Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Frosty the Snowman, and Santa Claus is Coming to Town… |
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Frosty the Snowman [VHS] $3.08 Guaranteed to work or your money back – PLEASE NOTE ALL MONIES FROM THIS SALE GO TO A 501 (C)3 NO KILL ANIMAL SHELTER… |
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Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: The Movie [VHS] $0.96 Competing with the time-tested, 1964 original Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, with the abominable snowman, the misfit toys, the lovably clunky motion, and Burl Ives as narrator, is no easy task. So this feature-length, animated musical skirts a straight squaring-off of versions. The story line is a bit more complex, with the abominable snowman’s antagonist role played by the Whoopi Goldberg-voiced… |
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Rudoph Bumble Mini Lava Lamp Night Light $16.99 Rudolph Abominable Snow Monster night light is 8″ tall. Plug the night light in and the glitter in the tree flows. rudolph bumble night light… |